Every Head is a World

Friday, June 16, 2006

Friday....?

Psh posting
who needs it
It's been busy
not really
sort of
went to the gym
gonna diet today
i'm excited
no more yesterdays
I have to make this work
I've even set up a contest
haha I'm ridiculous
But it'll make me work
hard for what I want
...to beat other people.
I'll let you know how it goes.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Wednesday 15

First day of Summer.
Went to the gym, power walked, and basically exercised a lot.
Didn't diet.
Always tomorrow.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Monday 12

Basically, the graduation is tonight and I don't want to think about it.
Okay.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Saturday 3

Yesterday was the dance!
I can't even put it into words.
It was smoothbeautiful.
I felt like a vainglorious queen.
I was a rush of adrenaline.
I wish it never ended.

I went running this morning, and I'm sad, so I'm being fat today.
Psh.
I'm sick.
Not really.
But I don't care.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Monday 29

Today I'm feeling rather lonely. Or at least, excluded. This is because I have very tactless friends. Actually, only one of them is tactless, and this is Hillary. She is not my friend. She counts herself among them but I admit I dislike her. We have a rather interesting relationship; a joking one. We became friends last year, got a long for a month, and realized that we hated eachother with a fearful passion. Every week we fought about something else, but the combination of my mind and her deplorable nosiness bonded us. She thought I was complex and interesting, and I thought she was...aggravating. But then she did some stupid things. I didn't want to be around her anymore.
She read my diary. And threw what it said in my face.
And I thought I had hated her before.
I didn't speak to her for a month and wouldn't have ever again, but there she was again.
Nosing into my business again. Trying to get back into my good graces.
And I never quite let her in. I'm paranoid of her like thorns on a rose... So much I can never appreciate her again. She's a pesty weed, now, ensconced in my thought-walls, and she's created that image for herself.
But anyway. She loves secrets. She broadcasts that she shares secrets with people. And it's...

This is not what I came on here to write about. I was going to tell you that I went to the gym this morning! And I worked off 350 calories. I was doing so well, but then I came home and found myself surrounded by sweeties... But I'm only at 700. I'll have an apple mid-afternoon and then I'm going out to dinner at Chevy's! My sister's birthday dinner.
I'm
>.<

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Sunday 28

This very coming Friday is a pivotal moment in my eighth-grade career. Occurring that night at 7:30 PM, is the beginning of the most talked-about, most planned-for, and most stressed-over social event... well, ever.
At least, if you're fourteen.
And I am...running out of time. I really planned to be perfect by now. Maybe perfect isn't the word I'm looking for, or at least, I wish it wasn't what I mean. But I have five...four... days left, and I am not ready! I am still chubby, still short, still shy and scared and insecure as I was three months ago, when I pledged to myself (like I do every other week) that I was done-finished-over with being this way. Well, I still am this way, and I'm this way in a bad way and I can't find a way out. I just want to get away from myself in any way that I can, these days. I've failed myself one too many times.
And to top it all off, I'm a complete hypocrite. I write this entry about how I'm going to be good, and diet, and be super-girl this week in preparation, and I pause half way through for another slice of pie! Someone help me...
Today gets a big red X on my calorie chart... shame. I'll do better tomorrow!

Afterthoughts

The goals that will be most difficult for me, and most pivotal in my life-style, self-image, general contenment, are the ones dealing with weight and physical fitness. These goals are the ones I will be updating you on most often, or so I expect, and so do be prepared.
I am a very contemplative person. This blog is very take-action, which is a trait that I do not normally find myself in possession of. But these things must be done, and being that I have a constant need for organization and reflection, this is how I will accomplish what I have stated in the prior post.

Goals

My goals for the summer are:

Physical:
  1. To reach 117 pounds by August.
  2. To have an eight-minute-flat mile time
  3. To touch my toes

Musical:

  1. To complete the first level of violin-training (that is, to finish two suzuki books, and transcribe enough music for fiddle and flute to put on a performance with my sister by the end of the summer).
  2. To learn simple guitar technique

Literary:

  1. To finish writing my first fiction novel
  2. To read three more Charles Dickens books

Household:

  1. To make a four-course meal
  2. To sew an entire dress.

Mental:

  1. To, after I lose the weight, successfully stop worrying about my caloric intake
  2. To explore further my lack of self confidence, and hopefully work on that
  3. To begin my search for self-actualization
  4. Attempt to gain inner peace. (It doesn't matter all that much if I don't accomplish this one.)

The Summer

Wonderful, wonderful and more wonderful wonderful! There is much for me to do.
I am fourteen years old and the world is strange from this perspective. This blog is about change; about myself, yes, in an attempt to pioneer my life and my being into a new state of awareness, learning, beauty, and contentment. It is the twenty-eighth day of may, the year two-thousand and six. I am going to keep this blog all summer long. By the end of the summer, I shall evaluate my progress. I am doubtful when I say this--what shall be the disappointment if I fail? But it is time to take that risk. This will be the summer, and I need to keep this short memoir here, on the internet, where I can access it and organize it well.
What is the summer, you ask? Why, it is a challenge. This is the summer I will become what I want to be! Now, you may find this blog shallow, and pointless, or simply boring, and you may know that I find it all of those things as well. However, you must bare with me, for I am too far gone to think of that, now.
The sooner I can get this done, the sooner I can stop thinking about these things.
The summer means change, for me. Positive, wonderful change. Change from my very core to aspects only skin deep. I will not let myself down this time.

Introduction

I do love blogs! This one is going to help me achieve my teenage dreams. It is not for anyone to read, but I do not mind terribly if thou does look upon what I write here; they are commonplace wishes, princess fantasies. But I am excited! It is a lovely new beginning.